Very English Problems - Awkward English

There is a funny Twitter which talks about how English people are unable to speak their mind and thus falling into these awkward moments. It can crack you up; I am going to share some of them. 

Saying you're pleased with your haircut despite the deep inner sadness it's causing you

Saying "let's come back to that", meaning "please don't speak again during this meeting"

Inviting someone to a party, then providing a list of reasons not to come in case they don't fancy it

The shock of lifting an index finger from the steering wheel to thank a fellow driver and not receiving an acknowledgment finger in return

Looking away so violently as someone nearby enters their PIN that you accidentally dislocate your neck

Loudly tapping your fingers at the cashpoint, to assure the queue that you've asked for money and the wait is out of your hands

Saying "It's nothing, really" to indicate you're remarkably close to losing consciousness

Holding the door for someone with the tip of your outstretched foot, to indicate you've really no time to dilly-dally

Not wishing to tell someone they've misheard you, so simply soldiering into a completely different topic of conversation

Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train before it's illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters you have the situation in hand

Apprehensively approaching someone to ask if they're in the queue, as if creeping towards a firework that hasn't gone off

Reluctantly slowing your walk slightly when sensing a fast-paced stranger about to overtake

Going through a door because it's being held for you, regardless of your intended destination

Being incapable of entering a lift without whispering "sorry"

Flashing your indicators to thank a fellow motorist, just in case they missed your mini wave, thumbs-up and arm raise

Sitting awkwardly for your whole journey to accommodate the staggering leg spread of the gentleman beside you

hahahaha! you can read more from VeryBritishProblems or their FB

The Awkward English

What happens in the morning following an encounter with an English person in the pub the previous day? Oh what happened when you met someone before, anywhere?

I know different people have had different experience on this. I will only speak from my own and that of close friends - foreigners like I.

It has come to pass that, and it is quite common in my experience, that an English person might pretend as if they have never met you before though in reality they have. They are not amnesiac nor suffering from a minor concussion.  And funny enough, it really never stops - of course you meet the exceptions and not everyone is the same, but one has to be prepared for this wonderful, and quite charming experience.

My friends and I have come up with the word, The Awkwardness of the English, to talk about this situation. Indeed it is awkward for both parties, you and the English himself or herself.

Let me narrate one of the very interesting stories. One of the earliest days when Autumn was still reigning and winter had yet to set foot, I went to a nearby pub - when you are in Rome do like the Romans. Isn't here where everything happens? Of course initially it started off awkwardly. I know I am speaking from a tropical boy point of view. But soon enough I was already chatting to someone quite abundantly. It was slow night and everything was falling neatly in the order it was required to. In my view, speaking to someone for the first time is a challenge, I mean they wouldn't have the 'break the ice' phenomenon if it wasn't. But when you have passed this stage then everything is supposed to be easy - like riding down the mountain on your bike.

The following day, cloudy and gloomy as usual, I was heading to the Supermarket. And so I happened to see the guy that I had quite a pleasant conversation with in the pub approaching from the other side of the road. Of course, according to my tropical nature which dictates a lot of things I do, a grin covered my face, my body language changed becoming more friendly as we got closer. But what happened as we got closer, was very awkward to both of us. The guy first pretended as if he hadn't seen me until I called his name and he turned. What happened from here continued to be quite awkward. It was as if we had never met before. The conversation was dragging and screeching the metal and it wasn't getting anywhere.

I know in Swahili we have a perfect word for this. 'Kumchunia mtu'. It is pretty much pretending that this person you happen to see today, has never crossed paths with you in what would have dictated a much more friendly nature, taking over the conversation further from the first encounter.

Now I would like to say, I was never drunk nor was he when we spoke. It was a gentleman chat about all things good.

But of course this wasn't the first time it happened; the bomb drops in from time to time and everytime one becomes good at handling the situation.

And so I asked one English person, why this awkwardness. He told me that for most English people this awkwardness is quite natural - you really don't want to jump on a stranger you met yesterday just in case they don't remember you. I know! I know! It doesn't make much sense but it is so. It is like saving face or something for the Asian community. But I really don't understand it much myself.

And of course there is the whole debate of what a friend is. My amigos in Latin America would take five minutes to warm up to you and invite you to parties and call you brother from another mother, but English are quite the opposite. You need to have quite an amount of foreplay and lubing things around before names are dropped. A year maybe? I don't know.

Of course I am not trying to berate the English - quite the contrary they are wonderful lot. But it is all about learning how to handle an awkward situation if it chooses to arise from nowhere.

Weather

I will start this blog with something as cliche as the weather - but it is never that cliche when you are here. Weather in the UK is as unpredictable as it is predictable - you always know that it is going to be shitty anyway. But it tends to surprise you when you are not expecting it - but of course the weather forecast seems to be 100% correct here, or at least in all the times I have paid attention to it. But of course you can't go wrong - you are going to have a windy day, a bit of the sun and massive clouds, that is the drill.

This year Spring came very late, by April if I am not mistaken it snowed in one of the days which was quite shocking and we couldn't stop talking about it - and by we I mean the tropical foreigners. Even now in May it is still quite wintery at times, it always feel as if we were going back to Winter. But then the Bank Holiday was very pleasant and so was the weekend preceding it.

But the point I would like to make is that talking about weather in the UK is quite a normal thing. Why? Because it is the point of conversation. When you have a sunny day you will have to talk about it cause it never come easily. And when it is dark and gloomy you will have to complain about it. So at the end of the day you are talking about it.

I remember I was told that the awkwardness of an English was one of the key reason for talking about the weather. When the conversation is going south, drop in the weather commentary or at least start with it to prevent any misfortunes. Now this is an interesting take. It holds water and it doesn't at the same time. We will walk about the awkwardness of the English, stereotypically of course, in another post. But over the period I have realized that I am talking a bit too much about weather too. It is contagious and much more for me the tropical boy. When the sun comes out, you drop everything and lay on the lawn or take a walk. And make sure you are fast enough not to miss it. I tend to watch weather forecast like I have never before. It is really about planning your week. You have to know when to prepare yourself with an extra dose of jollyfullness just in case you will need it.

Let's talk about the clouds. I have never seen in my life, angry clouds like the ones here. Even when you are set to have a good sunny day, all of a sudden a massive cloud will just pick up speed and dangle below the sun and your picnic is ruined. During this process, I have become quite perceptive of the movement of the clouds. For example, I know how long it will take for that cloud to pass. Gone are the days when I wouldn't pay attention to the direction of the clouds. A stupid decision undertaken without paying attention to the direction of the cloud might lead you on a morbid pavement. So I suggested to a friend that the UK government should put some big fans to push the clouds away; that will be a good project and helpful to the Britons.

Did I mention the drizzles. I have heard Manchester is quite miserable at this. But here in Hertfordshire it not that bad. You might go to the supermarket and you will only have a couple of polka dots on you. But it still drizzles, exacerbating this sense of melancholia. Life of life. It can be quite continuous sometimes and so you really need a cup of coffee - I do. And of course and umbrella.

Of course speaking about weather in UK one cannot overlook the effect of global warming. As Spring is overshadowed by a seemingly long winter, the summers tend to be quite hot - it is said that a heatwave will hit this year and many people might die. Climate change guys, it is real!!!

Is there any connection between weather and the people? I am just going to leave this to you. But all I can say, I really respect Britons for putting up with this weather - and most European countries which do :)

Then UK ..

I started this blog at  the end of my stay in Venezuela and that is why it doesn't have all the amazing juicy details of my time there. Before I knew it, my time was up and I came over to the UK.

I just got an idea of extending the previous blog instead of starting a new one - it is always good to integrate everything if possible. At the end of the day, I am a wanderer and this is another story of that journey.

So UK ...